Isolation and Reading

I debated writing this post so much that I am struggling to click the publish button. There’s obviously so much happening in the world right now and we’re all pretty much struggling in some way or another. I began to wonder if this is a good time to talk about my mental health? Is this even relevant to a blog about books? The more I wrote this post, however, the more I realize that it did fit. Reading has been a form of self care for me well before I even knew what self-care was. I have use reading as a form of escape especially when my mental health has not been good. And now that I’m reading more books than ever before, I realize that there was a reason behind it.

In the month of March I read 28 books. This was in mine boggling number for me and it put me well over halfway through my reading goal for 2020. As much as I want to and do celebrate the 28 books I read in March, I couldn’t deny that my mental health was awful. Drafting this post made me realize the large number of books I read indicated just how much I was suffering. If reading was my escape then I wanted nothing more than to escape my reality.

There’s no denying that in the past couple of years I have struggled with reading. From being busy with college or working full-time, my mental health really limited how much I was reading. Even if I wanted to read a book, I would find myself unable to finish several books. So now that I have read so many in a year already, and I have been so productive with my reading goal, shouldn’t I celebrate that? In a culture where being productive is so important, shouldn’t I celebrate that I’m almost done with my reading goal? Should I celebrate that I am finding some new favorite books? And if I do celebrate my reading accomplishments, am I inadvertently telling myself that my need to escape is a good thing? Am I telling myself that my mental health is a good thing because it is allowing me to be productive?

I have been talking about books online since 2009. Reading so many in a year really allows me to have a lot of books to talk about. This gives me a chance to find new favorite books. But at the same time I can’t help but wonder if I’m just hurting myself. Do I really need to celebrate every single productive thing that I do? Do I need to get this happy because I will now have content for my book blog or my YouTube channel?

This post ended up being more questions than answers which wasn't intentional. I think that it sums up what’s happening during this isolation perfectly: we know the fact that we’re all struggling during this time and we don’t really know how to feel about it. Which I guess is also my reasoning for writing this post to begin with. I really just wanted to put into the world the questions that I have during this time because I am unsure of everything as well. It’s just a way of feeling less alone because isolation makes you feel like you are the only one feeling this way.